If we’re being honest, I don’t remember you too well. I am certain of one reason, you FLEW by. What I’m not so certain of is – did so much happen that you were overwhelming and I blocked you out? Or the opposite, and nothing was worth remembering? I don’t mean for this to sound negative because it isn’t. Rather, a reflection on how I lived the past 364 days of my life: absent. Upon reflection, I want and need to be present. I want and need to be mindful. I want and need to be doing.
I’ve always been described as happy. My presence has meant something to someone at some point and that means the world to me. Lately, however, I’m almost positive if you asked someone to describe me in one word, happy wouldn’t be the adjective. That’s gonna change. I want my presence to be meaningful again. I believe it’s my purpose and I plan on fulfilling it. Cheering others up, cheers me up, call it selfish but it’s the truth for me and many more. It’s a good selfish, and I really plan on focusing on just that, cheering and building people up.
Unfortunately though, I’ve realized that you can’t really be there for others unless you’re there for yourself. To love others, you have to love yourself. I’ve struggled. Self-love is HARD. We are our own toughest critic, and in being so we limit ourselves in the most restrictive ways. But we have to realize that we’re all unique, amazing, and important humans, breathing, living, for a purpose–a good one. I’m going to replace the “cant’s” with “can’s” and the “should have’s” with “did” as an effort to make the most out of the life I’ve been given. Yes, this fits the whole cliche new year, new me trend but it’s something I’ve needed to do and haven’t truly acknowledged.
Every year is going to have it’s ups and downs, it’s life. I don’t expect myself to be sitting here this time next year saying 2017 was perfect. Perfect doesn’t exist. Perfect doesn’t show growth. Perfect isn’t human. What I do expect is to be better. New year, BETTER me. A girl with dreams, a girl who laughs, a girl who listens, a girl who acts, a girl who gives, a girl who thrives, a girl who speaks, a girl who LIVES.
2016- thank you for making me realize my need for change. While it may have been a year of trial and stress, it most certainly did not pass without joy and love. I’m grateful for the past 365 days but oh so looking forward to the next.
“365 days, 365 opportunities”–make the most out of them.